Slappeth me.

Things with that friend are fine.
I just thought i would post and say how i should be slapped.
I may be going to Florida for a while. Not sure how long it will be. Or when i will be leaving. I might be working there.
I really need to be around people.
Today is such a bloody hot day.
There are so many thoughts jumbled inside my head.
This is just me expressing them.
Ya know, I really love music. It keeps me sane. I listen to it all the time, and sing along with it ALL the time. Music is powerful.
The written word is also powerful. I am amazed at how different people are when they write things than what they are in person.
I am going to go now.

Tight knots in the pit of my stomach.

Yeah, so those are some pics from the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding. The bride wrote words for a song and sang it to the groom and the words were written on the cake. It was just a beautiful day.
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Um, my stomach is in knots. I will be having a discussion with my "friend" tomorrow.
I don't know what the decision will be. I am not used to being the one on this side of things. I really don't know what to do. I guess I just have to wait and see. I have prayed about it. I hate jumping into things with both eyes closed and my arms and feet tied together. That is how I feel right now. I am not prepared for this, I am not ready for this. I hate not knowing.
Ugh...i'm sucha control freek!

God, what is this?

Yeah so yesterday was my best friends wedding. It was beautiful. They released butterflies. My friend looked so gorgumous. Of course, she is always beautiful, but yesterday she outdid herself.
The person with whom I ended a friendship was there. I knew she was going to be. I just didn't know how to deal with the situation. I saw her arrive and i just sorta tried not to look in her direction, cuz I didn't want our eyes to meet cuz i didn't know what to say or do. The thing was, when we went inside after the ceremony, the lady was directly in my view. It drove me insane because it hurt me to see her every single time. I was grateful when someone else came over to stand at our table. I felt really bad cuz the lady's mom was there and I didn't want her mom to be hurt cuz I wasn't saying hi. I went kinda close to where the lady was and I was talking to my aunt and uncle. She passed by and tapped my arm and said hi. I completely tensed, and I think my uncle saw the pain in my face because he looked at me kinda funny. I just didn't know what to do. What the heck do you do in those situations? Anyway, I decided to go over to her table and say hi because i didn't get to say it, and i felt really bad about it. I went over and i said hi and she reached out for a a hug, then she said the she wanted to reconcile because she misses me. She had tears in her eyes. That drove me nuts for the rest of the day. I was sitting with linette and Ms. D (friend of the family) and they could tell when I was thinking and they told me to stop. Near the end of the reception, i saw the lady walking somewhere alone. It was the first time she had been alone all day, so I went up to her. She said she had been fine with things until she saw me again at the wedding. I am not sure how that makes me feel. My cousin almost said the exact thing when I was leaving her place, she said, I didn't realize how much I missed you, until i saw you. I really don't know how to feel about that statement. anyway, the lady asked me if I was open. I can't believe she expected an answer then. I told her we needed to discuss it, and i told her to call me. She said well, how about you e-mail me. I told her no. She asked me why not and I said no. She looked at me and said, it left a bad taste in your mouth didnt it. To that I said yes. I was so cold with her. I hate being like that. I don't know what to say when we discuss it. I don't know what my decision will be. Right now, I am just struggling.

Da dum da dum

It has been a while since i posted. Yay, my "big sister" is getting married on saturday. I am so happy for her. Each time I see her or talk to her, I just feel like we are growing closer. To have that kind of friendship, with 9 years age difference, is pretty cool. She has already passed on a word of wisdom to me. It is something she has learned during this whole wedding process. The word is... "ELOPE!" :)