Can't Breathe

I just started being able to breathe again. I just walked home from ending a friendship...and i was crying the whole way. I am starting to calm down. I didn't think I was going to cry too hard, but then I saw her face before I left, she was hurt, and she had tears in her eyes. She was the one who was trying to make it this way in the first place, to make things better for me. Now I did half of the ending.
I guess she isn't supposed to be my concern anymore, but I can't help it. Ugh...i am having trouble breathing again. I don't feel like eating lunch anymore...

Yay for vacation.

It is good to be on vacation. I have someone hurting me back home. Even though it was through e-mail that we were corresponding, I am still away from it. For anyone who doesn't know, I am in NC visiting my cousin. I have done nothing today except read. It was awesome. My cousin says we will paint the town red tonight. We will be going out and buying twizzlers, of course. It was our grandfather that got us hooked on them. I wish I could be staying here longer. I got here yesterday and I have already learned some things about my family and I wasn't trying to. Don't get me wrong, that is a good thing. I miss having my family around all the time. I don't want to leave Friday, of course I have to. I truly have lovable family. I know a lot of people who would disagree with that statement but I don't care. If it is my family, I can make that assessment, right?
O yeah, graduation was great. I finally got my speech done and I was told it showed bits of me. I thought that was funny seeing as how I wrote it. I am going to miss the people at apponaug. A couple of the old ladies are really sweet. So, graduation was sorta bittersweet.

I can't even describe it.

Graduation

I have always thought that at one point I would have to choose between them. I never once thought that I wouldn't be able to have either of them. One of them can't come because she doesn't want to leave her hurt husband alone with a B+B full of people. The other wasn't going to come because my family was going to be there. THIS SUCKS!! It hurts pretty bad. This should be a happy occasion. It has made me realize though, that there is one person who is always there. She really is family, cuz she is always there, even when she isn't physically there.


I don't even know what to do for my graduation speech...

Ow ow ow ow

Ow my heart hurts. I don't know if I was right in what I did. I just looked at her picture. She is too sweet to have hurt me the way i think she did. Did I misread the e-mail. Have I know ruined our relationship? I hate my overactive imagination. The thing was, I felt hurt...and i was kinda angry and upset and i felt like dirt after I read her e-mail. And I was so hopeful she would come even though she said she wouldn't. So now I am disapointed. Now, something that is only partialy connected to this has made me feel so unwelcome at a place i grew up at. What has changed? Why do they treat us like dirt. They were our family for so long....I no longer look at it as we drive past....ow i hurt.

2 down 23 to go.

Hahaha. I was just reminded that I have a blog. I guess I should update huh?....of course no one really comments so i don't know that it matters. I got to spend time with my friend and honorary sister the other day. It was awesome. She is a wise person that I look up to and that I learn so much from.
She will be getting married soon to a very nice guy that she loves soooo much. They are just too cute together.


Ya gotta love family/friends