I don't know..what the crap this is.

Do I know? I may not even care. Is what I think true? Or is it just a figment of my imagination? Do I know who I am and what I am to be? Do I know where I am going? Is there any control here? Over anything? Do I know how to fix it? No. She looks at me and knows me better than I know myself....but she isn't a christian. She knows that something is up before I even know it. It is kinda crazy. I hate myself right know and i don't know how to improve upon things. What...do I just wait it out for circumstances? Wow I just realized why little things make me smile, and make me so delirously happy. Do I know happiness? I don't even feel like singing anymore. I don't even feel like feeling, because that means I have to deal, and I don't want to deal.! I hate not wanting to sing....i'm suffering for many things because i don't feel like it. Usually, when I am feeling like this, I feel the need to talk to someone in particular. I don't feel that way this time. Have I hit a new low? Or is it just that I don't know how to explain myself?
These trials and tribulations? The way I'm feeling, is this supposed to be preparing me for the days ahead...cuz it just sucks and I am dwelling in my own laziness. I think I want some food.